I Wanna Be the Very Best!

I feel like I've always had an intense drive to do everything right. It's got to be acceptable by my standards because if it meets my standards, it should exceed the standards of others. Sometimes this becomes intensely challenging though. My fourth quarter starts tomorrow, and I feel like it could be the first really tough one that I'll have to face. But that means it's a stepping stone for future quarters which WILL get progressively tougher.

Last quarter I had a lot of problems with one class. I have never in my life been so frustrated as I was because what I thought was good was merely mediocre in this teacher's eyes. I had to restart. I had to get better. And when I got that 98 on my final project, I literally rejoiced. My hours of work were worth it, my confidence was restored, and my GPA was saved.

But wait, there was another complication. Half of my grades for that class ended up missing from the campus site. My GPA was not yet saved. What happened? I gave it time, but time wasn't enough, so instead of getting angry about it, I emailed the teacher. (I literally just did this, so I have to wait for a response.) So my GPA is down from 4.0 to 3.97, and people often ask, “Well, what's the big deal? It's still higher than mine.”

Well, sir, it is a VERY big deal. I'm not upset yet because the drop was not because of my own incompetency. But that very moment that it drops due to my own faults will be the moment that I could lose it. My standard for myself is very high. I, in no way, want to disappoint anyone; not my family; not myself. Disappointment is something that I fear greatly, so I do whatever I can to strive to achieve the goals I set for myself, no matter how outlandish they are.

I just had a conversation with someone. There are literally about 15 people in my school with a 4.0 GPA, and for the moment, that number just dropped. Basically, my status just dropped to “average honor student,” and I can't have that. I must be “THE BEST HONOR STUDENT!” Sure I wasn't Valedictorian or Salutatorian in high school, but I was in the top 5 of my class, and that was phenomenal for me. (I never did find out my ranking for sure...)

The great thing about college is that they reward you for your grades. Having good grades earns you scholarship money, which is extremely helpful when your classes cost $2000 a piece. So, let the smart people have at it. Actually, no, let the hard workers have at it. Even the most intelligent people struggle.

I heard once that there's always a cut off where the correlation of being great and having a certain quality stops rising. In academics or success, having a high IQ is useless because those people are typically too lazy to work. It's the people with the slightly above average intelligence who are more willing to work as hard as they can to be as good as they can. That's the kind of person I feel I am. I'm not the smartest person in the world. There's a lot that I don't know, and I know that. But I'm always willing to learn and get better, even if I feel like quitting will save me the headache. Taking a step back lets me reexamine the situation so that I can get a better handle on it and myself. Then I'll delve right in from a new angle, which almost always works. (Except when working with Adobe Flash...then I have a ragequit.)

The point is that I like to do my best, and I think everyone should do their best. There are a lot of obstacles on the path to success, and being able to realize your own faults and being able to face and overcome them is a great skill. Everything takes practice, even motivation.  

An Angry Rant Towards a Closed-Minded Fool

     Where to begin? Allow me to start off by saying that this will probably offend you, but I really must get this off my chest. You see, this is a Psychology class. The -ology part of that means that this is SCIENCE. Therefore, your arguments involving the word “god” hold absolutely no ground here. While I have my own beliefs in faith, I have a firm ground in science. Science proves everything in one form or another. Multiple times in this class we have said “no religion, no politics,” and you simply don't understand that.

     Now, I have absolutely no problem with religious people. I believe that everyone is entitled to believe whatever they want. I, for one, have a very cynical view of religion in America specifically. It inspires bigotry and intolerance, especially in the South. That does not, however, mean that I think all church-goers are bigots because I also believe that many good deeds and people can come from faith. My problem lies with those that are closed-minded and ill-informed.

     We discussed the issues of gender identity and watched videos involving some young children who are gender confused. These kids legitimately believe that they were born into the wrong body to the point that they aren't even comfortable with themselves. When you're asked what you think of the situation, the response, “I don't understand how they're confused when God made them that way,” is not a proper one. All you had to say was whether or not you agreed. Now you've brought religion into the discussion in a SCIENCE class.

     Here's the issue: I believe in a lot of things, some of which you may or may not agree with. I believe that there very well might be a god out there, but I do not believe he is directly involved with anyone's lives. To me, he's the kind of guy who caused the Big Bang then decided to sit back and watch the eternal show. People often say, “God put me on this earth for a reason.” Okay, with that I can agree. Except that I have a strong belief in reincarnation and karma. I believe that you're on this earth to learn from whatever situations you're put in to, and that your spirit itself decided the predicament before it became such a predicament. Everyone has something to learn. And for those that do bad, I don't believe in Hell. I believe in the ridiculous notion that your soul goes to Saturn for an instant cleansing then makes its way back to earth to assimilate into the seven billion people that live here.

     But I've gotten off topic.

     Now, while Psychology is a science class, it's surrounded by theories both proven and unproven. Therefore, science has its own belief system. Do you, sir, believe that the earth is billions of years old? Or in your world is it barely two thousand? Evidence supports the first option, and this is why I find science to be so important. It explains things that were once mysteries with hard proof. Earthquakes were once thought to be caused by angry gods, but we know now that they're natural phenomena. Or are you still an ignorant fool? Does your feared yet loving God protect people from these natural disasters or does he let them die? Is your faith shaken when misfortune happens to you? Do you wonder why you're the one suffering? Would you rather someone else suffer the same fate? If you could save someone else from suffering, would you? It makes me wonder how truly noble people of the world are.

     What about the people with chemical imbalances in their brains and bodies? Why would God make them that way? He made them that way so that they could suffer insecurities according to your logic. So I ask again: why would God make them that way?

     The purpose of religion was once to educate the masses in some form or another, but in current times, it's become something that hinders the education of the people. Let it be something that helps you cleanse your soul or turn your life in a better direction, but do not let it be something that tells you what is correct or incorrect when it cannot be proven true itself. “God made them that way,” is not acceptable in a science class. “God made them that way, so they shouldn't feel like they're in the wrong body!” Perhaps not everyone believes in God. Perhaps they believe in Allah or Shiva. Or perhaps they practice Buddhism or Confucianism, two “religions” that lack a focus on God at all and instead encourage people to become at peace with themselves and the world around them. There are angry Christians everywhere, but you don't often see an angry Buddhist. Maybe that's because he's more accepting of other people and their beliefs. He understands that he has no control over the world around him, but he controls himself and how he reacts to that world. Becoming angry only adds more fuel to the hate-filled fire that's consuming our society.

     What I'm trying to get across is that everyone is different. Your religion preaches tolerance, it preaches that you should “love your neighbor,” but why is it there are a number of people filled with so much hate? Who cares if someone is gay? Who cares if they make a decision you don't agree with? Interpret the bible however you want, it's just a book of stories anyhow. Instead of preaching about sinners, preach about the good doers. It sends a completely different message. Positive words create positive feelings which encourage positive actions. “If you steal, you're going to Hell.” Well damn, that's a lot of people going to Hell now isn't it? I thought God was forgiving.

     There isn't enough giving or forgiving in this world. Tell the story about how Jesus used his God-magic and made a bunch of fish and bread and wine. Tell the story about how he forgave a woman who committed adultery and saved her from death by stoning. Tell everyone the good things that happen when you use faith, don't strike fear into their hearts. Fear causes panic, panic causes violence, violence causes death, and death causes grief, grief causes birth defects, and thus we've brought the conversation full circle again!

     Look, I respect your right to be religious. I respect the fact that you have something that has changed your life. I respect that you have something that makes you feel like a pillar in the ground that cannot be moved. And I respect your right to disagree with me. What I do not agree with is that you base your arguments off of what cannot be proved through fact, only through experience or faith. Those are not tangible, and therefore they are not valid in a science class.

Tales of a Germophobic Psychopath

     There once was a girl named Courtney who was afraid of germs. In fact, she just had a running in with germs just a few minutes ago. It wasn't as terrible as one might believe, but it was in fact really frightening. When she expected the tangy taste of lemonade to touch her lips, she was met instead with some strange, overly sweet soda drink from the straw of another cup. How could she not have noticed that the cup was made of paper and not the clear plastic covered in the cold condensation that constantly made the cup slide down the table?

     So that was the story. Anna left her drink within my reach, I took it, and I drank from it. My mouth is now scarred for life. 

     You see, I've always had an aversion for germs. They freak me out. They make people sick. Now, I understand that a certain amount of germs is good for the immune system. Still, too many from the wrong people could give one some sort of intensely deadly disease that they may never recover from. I prefer to stay disease-free.

    In general, I avoid human beings. Not only are they rather stupid (or at the least ones who drive in Atlanta, as they seem to suddenly have an aversion to intelligence and courtesy as much as I have an aversion to germs), but they have the slightest clue to how to be clean. Wash your hands. It's not that difficult.

    My ideas seem to be rather lacking lately. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I was just overrun by germs in my mouth area. I'm not sure. That's probably it. Beware the germs.

    I found out the area where the guy with the horse lives.

Perfection is nonexistent in the eyes of an artist

     I had a strange and sudden urge today. It took me a few minutes to actually realize what it was. In fact, it's still bubbling up inside of me. So, what is it?

     It's the desire to get better.

     As an artist, there is nothing that you produce that will ever truly be "perfect." It can be close, it can be perfect to someone else, but it will never be up to your own standards. Artists are perfectionists. If an artist doesn't strive for perfection or higher quality of their works, can they even be called an artist? (While "yes" is a clear answer to this, as "artist" tends to be a connotative term, I refuse to call myself a true or professional artist unless I am striving for greatness.)

     Looking at the works of my peers really hit me hard. I've been slacking off. For several months, I've been merely content with my level of skill. Then I realized that my skill set is very particular. I have little experience drawing technical things or architecture. I can't draw animals as well as I would love to. I don't even draw people perfectly, but I've been drawing them enough that it isn't so hard as it used to be. (Some people are great at animals and are terrible at people, while I'm quite the opposite.)

     Something I look forward to striving for is expanding my skill set, primarily through animals. (Once I become more proficient at that, I will move on.) I can't seem to do the creatures of nature justice with overexaggerated proportions. The best way to improve drawing anything is to practice drawing from life. 

     But there isn't exactly a tiger sitting outside right now, so I will draw from photographs. I'd always heard that drawing from life would teach you an immense amount, but I never thought I could do it well and so avoided it. When I did humble myself and my oversized ego, I improved within a matter of days. It really surprised me how much these photos taught me. I used to think learning from illustrations helped me most (which it did for a time, as it showed me what lines are typically drawn), but they didn't teach me proper proportions or movement. Learning from those drawings should have been complementary to what I'm learning, not be the teacher. I know this now and will be putting this idea to good use, especially as I go through college. 
I want to be professional. I want to be great. Most of all, I want to be the best at what I do. But for an artist, perfection is nonexistent.

     ...I saw the guy on the horse again.

A guy and a horse

     Hello, audience (if there are any of you actually out there).

     I realize it has been some time since I actually posted a blog. For this, I apologize. You see, I'm going to start college in just over a week, and I've been worrying about trying to get in contact with SOMEONE at the school. Unfortunately, the Art Institutes are notorious for not checking their voicemail inboxes. It's absolutely brilliant.

     I've found something to write to pass my time without internet. I do enjoy roleplaying and writing novels from those roleplays.

     Oh. Here's the Crazy Random Happenstance of the week. (Or of last week.)

     I was minding my own business as I drove to Walmart. Now, in the back of the parking lot (where I enter with my car, or in this case, my mother's car) there are those donation boxes. I almost ran into one. Why? I not only did a single take and a double take, no, sir, I did a triple take. Why?

     There was a guy on his horse riding through the parking lot. I know that I live in a rural area, but really? Now, not to be racist or anything, but he was black. I only know one black person who owns a horse, and he does not act ghetto in the least.

     This rather threw me off.

     So, here's a tidbit from my life now. I finally have a car. Its name is Loki. (Yes, yes, LOKI WILL BETRAY ME! But have faith, my friends.) Its name is Loki because Locust the Focus is a rather terrible name. Loki sounds much better in terms of...sounding good. I do so love him though, and this is why I am convinced he will not betray me.

     (Hello, mother of Shawn. Good to see you, too. Are you going to the game toni- oh, you walked away. Thank you. Good bye.)

     Well, I think that leaves us at a good place for now. If there are any questions you wish to ask me, just ask me. I do like my readers so very much, and I wish to hear from you more.

First introductions

I recently watched the (incredible) movie, Julie & Julia. Actually, I'll admit that I just finished it not ten minutes ago. That is what inspired this.

Now, I've never actually done a blog before. In fact, I'm not entirely sure what a blog is. However, I am willing to try to make this interesting for whatever internet-goers care enough to read this.

I have before done blog-like...things. I'm (somewhat) active on deviantART and thus post semi-regular journals on my page there. But that's a journal. This is a blog. Is there a difference? Well, the words are different. Perhaps they're synonyms, but for my purposes here, I'm going to try something different as I go about my day-to-day life.

I have but one goal for this blog: to make my life sound much more interesting than it probably already is.

Now, I won't do introductions. Instead I prefer my audience get to know me on a more personal basis. Over time you will come to know and love (or hate, depending on who you are and what you like to read, in which case, if you don't like this, why would you read it?) me and my surroundings just as much as I love and-slash-or hate them. That's right. There is no middle ground.

One thing you may come to find is that my style of writing may change. This usually depends upon my mood, my depth of thought, and who I've been talking to as some people tend to stimulate my more formulaic functioning. (As you can see, I've managed to demonstrate that.)

Typically, I'm a quite simple person. Fresh out of high school and more than excited to start my Fall quarter at the Art Institute of Atlanta, you guessed it: I'm a lowly young adult. (Apparently my brain cannot function enough to spell the word “adult” while it can in fact spell “formulaic” without a problem. Perhaps there's a lapse in communication between my fingers and my brain?) “Lowly” might not be the right word in my case. While I do run on the more average height, I'm not really scraping the streets for a bite to eat. I consider myself a fortunate person with plenty of pleasures in life while also suffering from the griping problems of middle-middle class. (Such as griping about the horrible quality of my incredibly stupid smartphone.)

As another warning ahead of time, I do have a tendency to interject with strange and unusual thoughts. Moreover, it fits the actual title of my blog that currently lacks that artistic uniqueness. One idea that I have been given is to tell the world about the most random thing that happened to me that day. In addition, I think I might try to completely blow the situation out of proportion. Actually, I might tell my day-to-day life as a sort of over-exaggerated story.

Here is my new goal: start each blog with the “Crazy Random Happenstance of the Day.” (Why yes, I have watched Dr. Horrible several times.) With that in mind, it is more than likely that I will go on a tangent and tell the rest of my stories of the day, be they exaggerated or just...normal.

Everything said, perhaps you might like to learn who I am. Throughout the last few years of my life, I have come to be widely known as qorter. If you capitalize the 'Q,' you're doing it wrong. (I also think that comma looks out of place, but grammar is grammar.) More formally I am known as Courtney with a French last name that makes me love my French ancestry and which is another reason I loved Julie & Julia.

Taking an idea from the movie/book, let's play “Guess My Last Name!” Clue number one: My last name also is the name of a popular sauce. Clue number two: They mentioned this sauce in The Princess and the Frog. If you already know me (because you seem to have an affinity for following me around on the internet.), you're not allowed to guess. I want to leave this up to whatever readers exist in the blogging world.

So, it is currently about to reach the time of 1:00am on what is now September 4, 2012. Only 108 days until Zombie Apocalypse. Are you prepared?